Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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