how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
