Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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