Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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