remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
