Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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