what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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