Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
