Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
