I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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