woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
