Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He shit in the fireplace
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
