There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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