i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
