Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
