Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
