If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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