I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
