You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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