So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
