he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
