Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
