just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize