Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize