I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
