Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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