They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We named our party play list daddy issues
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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