Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
