BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
