nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
