i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
