Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
