If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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