Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
