hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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