So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
