What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
