she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
