I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize