We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
