My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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