She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just had sex on a roof
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
