Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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