No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
