Please, let me fuck your mom
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize