just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
