He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
