I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
