you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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