I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
love makes seman taste better
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
