I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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