I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
