The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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