I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize