got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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