All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
