This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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