I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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