saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
