i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
