so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She even gives head with a lisp.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
