I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
