Need sex. Gaining weight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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